I haven't posted on my blog in such a long time....but have been feeling a stirring to pick it back up again. I am happiest when I write, so writing I will do.
I have been thinking a lot about words lately. How our words can bring life or death. Life or death to relationships. As children we were told. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." What a lie!!!! Words can destroy a person and destroy a relationship! Think about it, many relationships and friendships that die, die due to words...gossip, unkindness, anger, half-truths and lies. All words...all destructive.
Confession time: We have been really struggling with Jack and his behavior at school and home. He has been getting in trouble, angry, not paying attention, not doing his school work. It has been upmost on my mind and has been the source of many many tears of late. It has consumed almost all of my waking thoughts and it never far from me. As a mother, I want my son to be loved and cherished as much as I love him, and it pains me so when he isn't. My reaction, in the times when he gets in trouble, has been with many harsh words, criticism, and, ashamedly at times, belittling. I have let me emotions totally get the best of me and in those times when I haven't controlled my emotions OR my tongue have said things that I am so ashamed of. And as I continued to criticize, his behavior continued to go more and more down hill.
It got so bad that very recently we were considering whether or not to take him to the doctor to be put on ADHD medicine. (he still has an appointment next week with the doctor, just to let you know how RECENT this all really is). In the last month we have put him on sorts of diet restrictions, pumping him full of caffeine, and a myriad of other things to see if it had any effect on his behavior at school and home.
As I began to pray and seek wise counsel from some who opinions I really value, the Lord began to convict me about the part I was playing in all of this. Somewhere, somehow the Lord spoke to me through the many words by those I hold most dear, and I was convicted by my words and actions. So prayerfully, I began to only speak positive, kind words to Jack. I chose to ignore those times when he wasn't doing EXACTLY as I told him to do. Praised him for even the smallest of good choices he made. When he "moved his clip" at school for talking out, I chose to ignore it (not my normal M.O.) and encourage him to keep trying hard and praised him for the other parts of the day when he didn't talk out of turn (even if that was just one teeny small part of the day). And most of all, I began to speak life to him. Telling him and praying over him the goodness and promises of the Lord. I began to call forth the qualities in him that I see that aren't often at the surface, just beneath it. Those that I want him to know he has that will bring such glory to the Kingdom of God. For the last week and a half we have called forth the heart of David that Jack has that truly seeks after the Lord and loves the Lord with all he has. We have called forth and praised the truly kind and generous spirit that is so a part of who Jack is.
Over the last week and a half we have seen many changes in Jack (that to this mother's heart seems miraculous). He was so incredibly angry, having outbursts of anger and tantrums with me, defiant and mean-spirited. Complete lack of focus and lack of desire to do his best. Jack is now smiling constantly, his angry outbursts have completely gone, he is listening and obeying quickly when asked to do things and is being kind and loving to his sister. He is singing praise songs constantly and instigates talking about the Bible and the things he is learning there. Oh, and his teachers have noted that in he is has been having a "Great Day" every day for the last week and has been focused on his work and doing his best. I shouldn't be amazed, the Bible is very clear on the power our words hold, but I just wasn't paying any attention.
Proverbs 10:19 When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.Proverbs 15:1-2 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.Is it hard to control my tongue? You betcha. When I tell Jack to do something and he doesn't do it immediately, I really have to control myself. I have to take that extra minute and CALMLY ask Jack to come to me and then CALMLY tell him what I want him to do...and amazingly he does it for the most part.
What I am finding is that it is cyclical. Someone speaks unkindly to me or about me or my class frustrates me during the day, or the money is tight or something in the house breaks and without regard or thought, I take that out on my children (and James). I am having to take control my emotions, frustrations and hurt and not allow that to carry over to my family. It is only through much prayer and the Lord's help that I can do that at all.
Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.Proverbs 10:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man (woman) down, but a kind word cheers him up. I am really working on speaking life and not death through my words. I have such a long way to go.
Jack will continue to be Jack, full of energy and imagination and joy. Everything that GOD put in him and prayerfully, I will be a source of encouragement for him and speak LIFE to him not anger or frustration.
