Pain

In C.S. Lewis' book The Problem of Pain, he said, "God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It's His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." Wow!!! What a true statement.

I also find it incredibly sad in a way. Why is it that we have to go through terribly hard times to really hear from the Lord? I don't know why it is. But it really seems like it is only at our most desperate that we hear God speaking truth into our lives. I truly want to get to the point in my life where my walk with the Lord is so consistent and solid that I hear Him as clearly in the pleasure as in the pain.

Maybe this is what Peter meant when he wrote in 1 Peter 5:10 - "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." There is much to be learned in the pain.

Another quote by C.S. Lewis on the subject of pain, "God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain” I love the hope that is in this statement. God foreknew what we would go through. He would give us the battle armor to go through it and although we would feel pain, it would not leave a stain that cannot be removed. Of course, we also have to be willing to go to Him with the pain. Nailing it to the cross. Otherwise our suffering is for naught and completely in vain. Oh my goodness... I never want the suffering and pain to be for nothing!

Just like a caterpillar that must go through pain to emerge from the cocoon as a beautiful butterfly. So must we go through pain to become more like Christ.

Let me embrace it, learn from it, open up to God and move on!!!!!

More Trials..More Screaming...More Grace

Oh my gosh, sometimes life is just plain old hard! James lost his job almost two weeks ago and we are plugging along, really doing okay, thinking we're going to make it through this, some way, some how! Then BAAAMMMMM!!! something else happens.

Two nights ago, James was coming home from running the sound board for worship practice at church. As he was approaching a red light, a large Ford F-150 plowed right into him. He called me and told me, I just flat-out couldn't believe it! At this point I actually became quite angry. Thankfully, not only did I have my daughter with me, but my friend's children and that really made me take a deep breath and calm down, otherwise I am afraid of the slew of words that might have left my mouth.

At this point, it seriously almost became laughable. What was going to happen next???

I think what bothered me most, was that my daughter became very upset. She is such an awesome girl and puts on a smile and loves on us. But she was really worried. A couple of years ago, we received a Spiritual Warfare prayer from our pastor and we read it outloud as a family that evening(and will continue to do so as we walk through this). It brought such immediate peace to us. It is almost all straight scripture and there is something to be said for praying scripture.

James got his car into the shop, we got a rental and hopefully the car will be fixed within a week.

James showed me where the accident happened and how it happened. The truly miraculous thing is that if he had been just ONE millisecond slower, the large truck would have totally T-boned James right where James sat in his small little Honda Civic and he could have been seriously hurt or killed. As it was, he didn't experience any pain at all. SO even in the midst of yet another storm squall, God was there and protected him. For that I am so grateful.

Tuesday Tips

On Tuesdays, I am going to try and post tips on how to save money, cut expenses or successful job hunting.

Saving Money month-to-month
When you lose a job, the first thing you do is tighten the old belt! I am sure there are many different things you can do. Here are just a few that we are doing right now. If you have others, please post them! I am always looking for a great way to save money!

1) Talk to those to whom you owe money! Tell them about the situation and find out what they can do to help. Many utility companies, banks, etc. have plans in place to help in times such as these. In our situation we:

***Lowered our cable/Internet bill by $75 a month by cancelling our deluxe cable package.(Our cable company is giving us free basic -20 channels- when bundled with our Internet bill).

***We enrolled with Netflix. We pay $14 a month. We get 2 unlimited movies for the month and we can also stream 100s of movies and TV shows through our Wii system. It is a great program.

***We got rid of our land line a while back and only have cell phones which is a big savings in and of itself. We just dropped our data plan with our smart phones by taking the upgrades that were allowed on our smart phones and got free basic phones. Not paying for the data plan and just a regular talk/text plan we are saving $100 a month.

***Many banks will defer two months of mortgage payments (they add the payments back on the back end).


2)Clipping Coupons - Visit sites such as SouthernSavers or CouponMom and follow the directions for couponing. I am just getting started with this but am already saving on the average over 40-50% off of our grocery bill. And we are still eating good!

3)Plan for splurges - everyone needs a chance now and then to get out and do stuff. But plan wisely. Spur of the moment splurges often lead to higher amounts than we want.For example: we love going out for Mexican food but it can be costly. We found that our favorite local restaurant had a great special on Monday nights. Our entire family can eat WELL for $15. So now when we want to eat out we can, we just have to plan ahead.(We also only drink water out. The markup on drinks is ridiculous!) This website shows you all the places where kids can eat free.

Check back next Tuesday for a post on job hunting.

Out of Control

We are ten days in to James being let go from his job and people are being so incredibly kind and our family and friends are so wonderful and supportive. The natural question I am hearing from those who know us is, "How are you guys doing?" or "How are you holding up?" And it is so weird, but in the last few days my honest answer is, "I am doing great!" I don't mean that sarcastically and I am not walking through all this with rose-colored glasses on not facing reality. I am honestly doing great. And as I reflect on why that is I am coming to some awesome conclusions.

I am a self-proclaimed (and 'other-proclaimed') control freak. I absolutely love to be in control. Those that know me well, know I am a tad hyper-active, can't sit still for long and will MAKE things happen. If I am totally honest, I am also very much driven by fear, where my family is concerned. I will do whatever it takes to control things so my family will be okay. Control and Fear are a very dangerous combination.

What had happened primarily with my thought process (isn't our thoughts where things become most dangerous!) is I thought that if we just led a mediocre, run-of-the-mill kind of life that nothing bad would happen to us. If we weren't trying to live the high-life or live a life that is truly living for the Lord then every one (Satan included) would pretty much forget about us and we could go about our simple little life and that would be that. But trying to maintain that simple little life and control it all actually causes a lot of stress. So we have been balancing the checkbook but just barely, and we have had jobs, but none that fulfilled us or truly met the desires of our heart for our life's work. Our family relationships have been okay but not out-of-this-world great. I am finding that it is really hard to control things.

I am realizing that thinking you are in control really is just a false sense of reality. We truly have NO CONTROL. You can't stop someone from taking your job away from you - even when you are an exemplary employee. There is NO way that James or I could control or stop what happened. It was out of our control.

Let me tell you, being out of control is very freeing. But it is only freeing because I have a heavenly Father who IS in control and He is a good Daddy. I am so grateful for having a Father who loves me and will see us through and is in control, orchestrating and setting plans in motion. And so with that I am actually really excited about our future. Knowing we can't control it means, God can. As we have opened our hands of our future to Him and given it ALL to Him, He can take it and mold it and make it as HE wants it. I wonder how much we held Him back because we wouldn't allow Him to do what He knew was BEST. "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." I Corinthians 2:9 How awesome is that promise!!!!!

Now let me be sure to clarify. I do not believe that we are to sit back on our laurels and just wait for God to move. I am sure He can most certainly do that if He chose to. But I personally think we are to work hard and go after things, but we are to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and His will for our lives and leave the results up to Him. He promises that "ALL these things will be added unto you."

It is not written anywhere in the Bible that "God helps them, who help themselves" (Ben Franklin actually said it), but I do think there is a nugget of truth to the saying. So we are going after everything. James is working tirelessly to apply for jobs, seek help from others and network. BUT in all that James is doing, we absolutely expect God to orchestrate our lives.

In Proverbs 19:21 it says: "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." So we are to go after things, but we are not to seek to be in control of what happens, because it is the Lord's purpose, plan, will for our lives that will prevail.

So if you were to ask me how I am doing, I am honestly doing really good. I have a freedom in knowing that I don't have to control anything. I am just being called to be faithful to Jesus and obedient to what He says. I am finding that focusing on Him that I am absolute peace in this moment. I have never really experienced this kind of peace before, but man am I loving it.

A couple of promises that mean a lot to me right now:

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:2-5

If you are going through a job loss or some other trial or storm, I would love to encourage you to open your hand to your Heavenly Daddy. He wants to work it all out for you.

Stepping Stones of Faith

One of the most incredible things about going through difficult times is when you see the Lord step in and orchestrate events that are meant to just absolutely bless you and let you know how much you are loved.

We experienced this tonight. We were supposed to go to the beach for a week-long vacation this summer. When we found out James lost his job, we cancelled our vacation because we knew it wouldn't be prudent to pay the remaining money owed on our vacation home. The extra money we would have paid for dinners out, activities etc. would have sent us way over what we should be spending at this time.

Cutting out our vacation was an obvious choice of things you cut when faced with job loss. Vacations absolutely are NOT necessary and are very much a luxury when money is tight. But nonetheless, cutting the vacation did make us sad. We were supposed to go over my son's birthday and we were going to take my nephew with us. We were excited about spending some family time together on the beach relaxing and playing. But we absolutely were okay with not going.

This very afternoon, I was speaking with my daughter about some of her concerns. Being almost 11, she is fairly 'grown' and a bit wise beyond her years. She was concerned about our family making it and wondering if God really was going to provide for us. We talked with her about having radical faith in the Lord. That we can absolutely trust HIM with our every need. Even needs that may seem small and insignificant. That it actually is quite amazing to see God work and when He does we need to remember it because those are the stepping stones that God places in our path to show us how much He loves us. They become part of our Faith Walkway. We prayed about some of HER personal concerns and she went about her day.

Fast forward about 3 hours.... ONLY 3 HOURS!!!!!! And I received a text message from my sister stating that she had a vacation for us. I chuckled to myself and texted back, "Cool, where?" One of her best friends was going to be out of town and thought it would be a great idea if we house sat for her family while they were out of town. Cool! Somewhere fun to go and no real money out of pocket except our gas money! The truly AMAZING part of the story is this. This dear friend needed us to house sit the exact SAME time as we were originally supposed to go to the beach. And these dear friends live at the exact SAME beach where we were to go to originally. How amazing and awesome is my God! And how amazing and awesome are my sister and her sweet dear friends to open their home up to my family! They live a few miles from the beach, have a pool next door and a pond in the back for fishing. We can cook our meals there and relax and enjoy a fun vacation. All because of the provision of our Lord and the generosity of dear friends. I love it!!!!

When I told my daughter, her face absolutely lit up with understanding that her Abba Father did indeed hear both our big and small prayers and He absolutely delights in providing for us in such a way that we know He loves us and He is taking care of us. I love the Stepping Stone He placed in our Faith Walk Way! I can't wait to see the next one He will place in our walk!!!

Vulnerability

I am overwhelmed and amazed by the outpouring of love we have felt since people found out about James losing his job. It is downright amazing. I think so often the knee-jerk reaction is to retreat, become overly introspective and keep to oneself. I totally understand that reaction, there is often a sense of shame associated with it, and we don't ever want to appear weak or vulnerable. What is amazing is that this is really contrary in my experience to how most humans respond to crisis. I think even in our fallen human nature when we know someone is going through something rough, we want to reach out and help. Look at the outpouring of help to complete strangers that happened after Hurricane Katrina or the earthquakes in Haiti! How much more do your friends and acquaintances desire to reach out to you as you go through these hard times?

In the last week I have received a multitude of emails, texts, phone calls and Facebook messages from friends and acquaintances. Many have contacted me offering words of help and encouragement on more than one occasion. I cannot begin to tell you how much these words and acts of love and kindness have made the last several days so much more bearable. People that I don't even know that well are encouraging me and offering to take me to lunch or offer an ear or give me a hug. WOW!!! It is like the arms of my Heavenly Father embracing me and loving on me.

Yesterday, I spent the better part of day with a bunch of women I hardly even know. My sister had encouraged me to come to a Bible study and other than being loosely acquainted with a few of them, I really didn't know them at all. But yet, once they heard about what we were going through, they prayed for me, loved me and ministered to me. It was truly just what I needed. But I am convinced, if I had kept it to myself and not allowed myself to be open about what we were experiencing, I would have missed out on the huge blessing I received from these precious women, (who I know consider friends!)

But here's the catch...you have to step out and be a bit uncomfortable and vulnerable. It is easy to build up walls. Those walls that we build so we can be protected and not harmed. Walls that keep us safe in our own little world. But unfortunately those walls keep everyone else out and NO ONE can get in to help us. Sure by opening yourself up to others you do run the risk that someone might say something a touch unkind. Or someone you thought was a good friend might not say much of anything at all and act like nothing happened. But those are the exceptions in my experience. Stoicism leads to loneliness and loneliness leads to heartache, depression and desperation. And in the midst of a trial, heartache, depression and desperation already rear their ugly heads, so you might as well not add insult to injury.

So I'd rather take a chance of breaking my walls down and allowing others to see me for who I really am and trust that most will be more kind and loving than I ever deserve or can imagine. The cold walls we too often build up really don't provide much warmth or encouragement, do they??? I love the verse in Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity!" What an awesome promise. A friend loves us at all times and a brother is born to help us in times of adversity. Reach out to your friends and family and let them minister to you and help you through the difficult times!!!

Struggling

I've been praying a lot about what this blog is to be for and why I am writing it. I do truly believe much of it is for my own benefit. Writing is a way for the Lord to communicate with me and for me to communicate with Him. I am amazed as I start writing what comes out and much of it I really need to hear from the Lord. I am grateful for an outlet for my thoughts.

But I also know that I receive a great deal of strength and encouragement from what others say and write. I think the Lord intends to use each one of us as a source of help for those He puts in our path.


In the spirit of being open and praying that in some way the words I write will minister to others out there that are in the same boat, James and I have decided that I should openly discuss "the storms" that I have been referring to that we are currently walking through. In looking through other blogs that people write, I haven't seen many that are dedicated to what we are going through. Even though, I know many are struggling just as we are. So as I write and share, please write and share back with me. James and I are strengthened through your prayers and your encouraging words. I hope that the Lord will use our experience for good and that I can be a source of hope and encouragement to others.

A week ago I posted this post. Two days later James was let go from his job. Oh my goodness, the range of emotions that flooded my body when he told me. I couldn't breathe, felt like I had been punched in the stomach. A touch of momentary pure panic set in. I just couldn't believe it was possibly true. How could this happen? We have tried so hard to be so faithful. I have just accepted a job with a $20,000 pay cut that we really felt God wanted me to take and NOW James doesn't have a job at all? It was beyond all that my mind could conceive. James has always been an exemplary employee and to just be let go???? I couldn't fathom it. What is God doing and more importantly WHY is He doing it???

There are times when I am fine and happy and the whole situation seems to be a dream, not real at all. But in those quiet times,those times when I am not rushing from here to there, not engaging with our children. In the times when I am still it is so hard to not let my mind wander to the "what ifs", "whys" and "how comes".

I will write more later, but I wanted to share what the "storm" is and stop being so cryptic. We ask for your prayers.

I also have a request, if you know of anyone who is going through a job loss right now in their family, please give them my blog address. I want to be able to encourage others in the midst of their storms. Losing a job is not a topic that many are willing to openly talk about. Job loss seems to make people feel ashamed, frustrated and so very alone and forsaken. But with 10% of the workforce filing for unemployement it is effecting a great many of us. No one needs to walk through it alone.....