Parenting through hard choices

Never say never...that pretty much sums up my life. In my quest to be in control, I humorously thought that I could decide certain things and have that be so. I used to say, "I would NEVER marry a man that had red hair." I also had been known to say, that I was going to marry a pastor, youth minister or missionary. God must have thought those absolute statements of mine were pretty funny, seeing as how He gave me a wonderful husband (whom I love and adore) that most definitely is a red-head and is not in full-time ministry.

I have made other such statements throughout my life. What I will and won't do, how my life will and won't go. And I have recently realised that I have made such statements where my son is concerned. Even while pregnant with him, I was quite concerned which made me very resolute that he wouldn't be one of those hyper type boys that lacks self control and is impulsive. Up to the point I became pregnant with him, I had a little girl who for the most part was very good. School and learning came easy for her as did being well liked and highly thought of. Of course, me in my humble esteem, chalked it all up to my wonderful parenting. Being a teacher and all, I am sure that her good behavior and smart brain were a direct result to my input and training. SO when we found out we would have a boy, I figured he would be just as easy to raise and train. Boy, how that quickly changed.

My son has always been a pure joy to me. He is a delight and a very witty child, who is creative, imaginative and flat-out fun to be around. But he is also a very spirited child who can be difficult to corral, who can be quite strong-willed and defiant and over-the-top impulsive. I am not sure how that happened, as I was so certain of my excellent parenting skills when I was pregnant with him.

When I think about my 'absolute' statements I made about how my son would and would not be, I am sure God just shook His head. I am learning that God wants us to flexible. He wants us to rely fully on Him, even when what we see happening was not at all in our plan. He wants us to put aside our preconceived notions and ideas of what WE think is right and/or wrong and trust wholly in Him and His divine plan for our lives.

As my son has been growing up (he is 7) he has had numerous challenges. He started getting in trouble at school at the ripe ol' age of 17 months. Being an avid biter, it is sad to think how many children bore his teeth marks. We came to realize that he had a speech issue that probably lead to most of his biting issues. We were fortunate to get him into therapy at a very young age so his speech issues (and his biting problem) was corrected fairly quickly.

My son has always been very impulsive. Acting and then thinking, often I am sure with the thought, "Ah man, I didn't mean for THAT to happen." He gets off task easily, loses focus and cannot sit still to save his life.

I have struggled with this for years. Having one child that is often one of the teacher's favorites, reading at a very young age, straight As, awesome behavior is a blessing. But to see your other child struggle with bad daily reports, poor grades and simply not getting key educational concepts is really hard. It really caused me to become overly protective of my son. Each year, begging and pleading with God for someone to see my son as I saw him. To love him and see in him the great qualities I see in him and to appreciate that about him. But it has never really happened. I have probably been a little short with some people as they were less than supportive of him. And still I figured I could fix him somehow.

We had him repeat kindergarten because he was so young and needed time to mature. Not sure how much that helped. We changed his diet, took out things, added in things, gave him dietary supplements, vitamins, minerals. We woke him up at 5:30 in the morning to go running to try and get out his excess energy before school started. To say we tried it all, would be accurate. But none of it worked. Not even a little bit. And my heart continued to break further and further. I wanted so much for him to succeed. I was a teacher for goodness sake. And by this time, I had done extensive research on how best to teach boys and had become quite an expert. But even with all the knowledge I had, the techniques that I knew worked for many boys, did not help my own son. I was at the end of my rope.

And the despair, frustration and anxiety I saw coming from my sweet son was devastating. He was so upset and would often cry about not being able to read as well as others. He would often make statements about how he was a bad kid because he couldn't sit still and do the right thing. He would tell us how much he wanted to be good, his prayed the most heartfelt, tearful prayers to God to help him make the right choices, and was so disappointed when he didn't. But he would tell us how he didn't know what to do to change it.

This summer I was determined to get him ahead academically. He was going to first grade and I wasn't going to have him be behind. He received one-on-one tutoring from a teacher friend of mine. We played reading games, did flash-cards, body spelling. You name it, we did it. And still, my son would lose focus and you'd have to circle back around to where you left off and by that point we had to start all over again and he would have forgotten all that we had just went over. So if he couldn't do it in a one-on-one setting which incorporated a great deal of movement, how would a structured school environment with a classroom full of others work? It was at this point, that my husband and I started really praying about what to do and specifically about medication. I was so sure that God would not ever have us put our child on any kind of medication to help him succeed in school. But as we were praying God started putting people in my path who had walked down the same road as us and had put their child on medication for ADHD and there child was doing so much better. We had several meetings with his pediatrician. I talked to family and friends and prayed and prayed and prayed. It was a several month process from start to finish.

My husband and I each received a peace about putting him on medication a couple of weeks ago. No one ever wants to put medication in their child that is unnecessary or could be harmful. But I also know God uses all sorts of things to bring about His desired results. I think for me, He used the one thing I had said absolutely I would never do and made that be the one thing that absolutely is working. My son has just started his journey with medication, but he is doing remarkably well so far. It is our prayer that he continues to do so. His academics this week took a huge jump and he keeps saying, "I am making the right choices and I am so happy."

You know, as I think about my thought process on this (and probably many other things)I think it is sometimes easy to become like Jonah in the Bible. He was so convinced that he knew what was best. He knew the Ninevites were evil people. He didn't think they deserved his time or effort because they were not God-fearing and were down-right awful. But yet, that is where God told him to go. He fought God's direction so hard that he ended up in the belly of a whale. And only then was he willing to listen to God's direction. He did end up doing what God said, but with a very hard heart that was not joyful in obedience. I don't want to be like Jonah. I want to be obedient to whatever it is that God is telling me to do, even if in my mind it doesn't make sense. Even if the plan I have sounds a whole lot better to me. I want to follow God in HIS will with complete trust and abandonment to His desires.

“… I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live, that you may love the Lord your God, that you may OBEY HIS VOICE, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days …” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

So as I continue on this journey, I think the first step is going to be taking those absolute words, always and never, out of my vocabulary!!!!

F.R.O.G.

We are heading through our third month of James not having a job and I am often overwhelmed by how much God loves us and is daily providing for us and taking care of us. When we stop to notice, it is amazing just how many blessings we have been given.

I have started my new job and tomorrow my students will have their first full-day in my class. When I knew I was starting a new job, I decided to go with a new room 'theme'. Up until this point, I had always had bumble bees because as was discussed in my previous post, I love the impossibility that bumble bees are as they fly even when they aren't aerodynamically supposed to be able to do so.

But I had used bees for over 5 years and was tiring of it. So I decided to use a frog theme in my class. Now I am not normally a huge frog fan, but the items with which to decorate my class were really cute! Several weeks after buying some things for my classroom, my sweet daughter asked me, "You know what F.R.O.G stands for don't you? Fully Relying On God." I thought that was pretty cool, but didn't think much more of it.

Fast forward a couple of months and James has lost his job and we are truly living - Fully Relying On God. My daughter persistently encouraged me to put that saying up someplace in my classroom so I could look at it and be reminded of it daily. I am glad she did (it is in large letters right over my desk - I can't miss it!)

I have been thinking a lot about relying on God lately. And how much do we FULLY rely on Him. I know I have always relied on Him some, but FULLY? That is a great deal more difficult. I can't control God, so I can't control when or what He does - even when it is on my behalf. Many times, I would rather control it all myself.

What does God ask of us? He wants us to lay it all down and TRUST Him - no matter what He asks and how much it may cost us. But goodness that is difficult to do at times! I have been reminded of the story of Joshua (starting in Joshua 2). Here he is, leading the Israelites out of the desert (FINALLY - it only took 40 years!). God told him to take Jericho. Now after sending in spies and scoping out the place, God tells Joshua to march around the city of Jericho once a day for six days and then on the seventh day to march around it seven times, blow the shofars and scream loudly and the great walls of the city would fall down. Now I don't know about you, but that seems like a pretty crazy plan. One most would have a difficult time following - it just seemed so far fetched. But Joshua FULLY relied on God and trusted Him and obeyed Him - no matter what. And God - who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than what we can ever imagine - indeed made the walls fall and Joshua and the Israelites took Jericho.

This story has always struck me as a bit odd. I mean, couldn't God just let the walls fall down? Couldn't He just have the Israelites fight those people of Jericho and win? But if that had happened, God wouldn't have received such glory. And sometimes when things just seem so weird and bizarre, God expects us to rely fully on Him and obey Him and trust Him and leave the results to Him. Because most certainly, none of the Israelites could take any credit for the defeat of Jericho.

God wants our hearts. He wants us to trust Him, lean on Him, fully rely on Him. And then when we do, we are at peace, we have joy and our so greatly encouraged by the blessings that the Lord gives us.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

There is a song that I love. It's words and lyrics fall right in line with relying on God.
Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

So the next time you see a frog remember to Fully Rely on God!!!

Impossibilities

One of my favorite stories is that of the bumble bee. A few years ago, scientists at the NASA developed an interest in bumblebees. The lab folks figured the insect held some secret of flight that may provide answers to questions about aerodynamics. They asked themselves how such small wings could produce enough lift for such a large, heavy body. They felt there was much to be learned from the bumblebee.

These scientists set about studying the bumblebee to discover its flying secrets. They hypothesized, examined, measured, timed, filmed, observed, thought about and debated the bumblebee. After weeks of study they came to one conclusion – bumblebees are not capable of flight. It is really impossible that they can fly. But God in His infinite wisdom needs them to fly to help pollinate the plants and flowers of our planet. So fly they will...impossible or not!

What in your life do you think is impossible right now? What situations are happening in your life that you just do not see any way out and can't imagine being worked out favorably on your behalf? It is really easy in the midst of many trials and situations and desert wanderings to see the impossible way more than the more than possible.

As I have been praying and studying, I have been focusing on God's name El Shadday. This was the covenant name of God that was given to Abraham by God. The name El Shadday, means God Almighty.

I have been thinking about what the word almighty means. According to good ol' Webster it means: all-powerful, supreme, absolute, unlimited, invincible, omnipotent. I love that it means absolute. There is not much that is absolute in life, but God is. El Shadday is basically the God for whom NOTHING is impossible.

The name El Shadday was introduced to Abraham in Genesis 17. When Abraham was 99 years old (then called Abram). God told Abraham to walk before God and be blameless and GOD would confirm His covenant and greatly increase his numbers. God then proceeded to share with Abraham how he would be the father of many nations and his wife Sarah would have a child at the age of 90. This made Abraham basically laugh in the face of God. To him this was absolutely crazy and impossible. I can identify totally with Abraham. I am pretty sure if God told me I was going to birth a child at the age of 90, I would laugh pretty heartily too. Quite preposterous and impossible.

El Shadday is the God for whom NOTHING is impossible. But yet, we doubt. We hear God say one thing, but then when it doesn't work out the way WE think it should, we doubt God. Maybe we think He changed His mind or maybe we think He doesn't care or can't do it. Maybe we just figure He forgot about us.

But in Numbers 23:19 it says: "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" God is El Shadday. He is God Almighty, He doesn't forget, change His mind or lie. He is absolute and all powerful. He can do the impossible.

In our path are often stumbling blocks that cause us to question and doubt the plans, the purposes and the promises of God. We need to pray to El Shadday, the God of the Impossible, to turn those stumbling blocks into stepping stones of faith.

God will do what He has promised.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7: 7-11